Parents and teenagers inherently will experience conflict with one another. Adolescence is a time when independence and parental influence can clash. Teenagers don’t necessarily hold the same beliefs and values as their parents and their goal to have fun conflicts with their parents’ goal to keep them safe.
Communication
Be open to hearing your teenagers point of view. Try to let them finish before you talk. Be open about your
feelings. Explain your view simply
and briefly, making it clear that your
main concern is for their wellbeing for example, ‘I need to make sure you’re safe if you’re out at night. It
helps if you tell me where you’re going and who you’re with’.
Teenagers struggle to see Consequences
The teenage brain is developing so your teenager might not be able to see the risks and consequences of a
situation. They might not be able to see things from your perspective. Try to be flexible about little issues. This might mean your teen is more willing to listen and discuss bigger issues.
Strengthen relationship
Conflict is avoided by most because it creates an intense amount of uncertainty, discomfort and anxiety. Some of us start shaking, voices tend to raise and more-often-than-not things are said out of reaction which are not meant. Feelings get hurt and at times relationships can
be impacted. However, the most innovative solutions often arise out of conflict and it can strengthen our
relationships.
‘I statements’
Teenagers want and need boundaries and consequences while being loved and nurtured to become resilient adults. Parents should reflect how they parent in different situations, e.g. when stressed. Remember – Stay
Calm, Set Rules & Boundaries, Be Consistent, Show Love.
Be Authoritative
Using ‘I statements’ can help a parent express how they are feeling in a non- judgmental way and makes it easier for teenagers to hear what you have to say. E.g. ‘I feel disappointed when you don’t come in on time…because
I was worried about you…I would like you to come home on time.’
